Back to School: Encouraging Scared Kids to Return
Kids normally fear the first day of school. But, after a pandemic and another disastrous shooting, students are experiencing a unique kind of fear. There have been a number of school disasters in 2022. The most devastating was the shooting in Uvalde, Texas. This has left many students (as well as parents) unsettled and fearful of their return to school. The best thing parents can do is initiate the conversation and instill a sense of safety in their children.
Start the Conversation
Jennifer Greif Green, a child clinical psychologist at Boston University and researcher of student post-traumatic stress following the Boston Marathon bombing, suggested starting the conversation and validating childrens’ feelings after the Uvalde shooting.
Open up the conversation. Sometimes, it helps children to feel safer by asking indirect questions like, “What kinds of things are kids talking about going back to school?” or “ "What do you most wish adults understood about what it is like for you right now?" Try to avoid leading questions like “Are you worried or scared that…?” Allow your child’s questions to guide the conversation and ask about what they’ve heard from others. If you do not know the answer to something, share that with them and let them know you are in it together. This helps to build trust and let’s them know you are emotionally available to discuss tough things with them.
Tell them that it makes sense for them to feel what they feel because of the events that have happened over the past year. Address any incorrect information such as most schools are unsafe, etc. Tell them that you believe the school is safe and that they are doing their best to keep them safe. Talk to them about what you’re doing to help keep them safe also. Resist the urge to give advice, tell them they have no need to worry. Dr. Green also reminds parents that it’s important to thank them for sharing their fears and tell them they are brave to do so.
Find out School Protocols
If your child is particularly anxious about returning to school it can be helpful to remind them about school drills and lockdown procedures designed to keep them safe in the case of an emergency.
If your child is starting a new school, tour the building with your child and identify safety routes if posted in the classroom. For young children, identifying the uniforms of helpers and first responders can be helpful.
Stay Calm and Positive
Set the tone for your child by not leading with your own worry and remind your student of positive things they can look forward to. Remind them of enjoyable times with friends or in activities or sports. Discuss upcoming events on the school calendar your student may have been looking forward to. Create a list of self-soothing activities your child can do if they feel scared and practice with them. This could look like deep breathing, counting backward, repeating a mantra, prayer, or talking with a trusted adult.
If your child is younger, introduce a small transitional object they can take to school like a heart keychain on their backpack or something as simple as a note in their lunchbox reminding them they are not alone. For older students, decorating a small rock together with a quality you admire in them like courage or empathy can be helpful for them to carry with them in a backpack.
If you or your child needs additional support, please feel free to contact us.
Additional Resources
Talking to Children about Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers - also available in Spanish, Korean, Vietnamese, French, Arabic, Chinese, Portuguese, Kurdish, Somali and Amharic.
Tips for Protecting Students in Violence Based Emergencies
References
Archuleta, R. (2022, May 25). How should teachers and parents talk about the uvalde school shooting with their children? Boston University. Retrieved August 1, 2022, from https://www.bu.edu/articles/2022/how-teachers-and-parents-should-talk-about-uvalde-school-shooting-with-children/
